Songbird's Nest

Moon Landing Part Three: Lunar Touchdown

2012-02-07T16:42:00.000-07:00

I guess it's about time to finish this trilogy, eh? It has been hard to decide what to say about this place we find ourselves in. Arriving here was a shock to my senses. Not just because it is the desert, but because moving here meant the complete removal of all the conveniences I had relied upon, all the comforts I had grown used to, all the family and friends whose voices I knew. The apparent barenness of the landscape has a way of psychologically enhancing feelings of loss, a thing which vibrated sharp in me for weeks.

When we drove up to our new house for the first time, we were so excited to finally BE somewhere after our long trip. For two days, we explored our empty house and our new neighborhood...saucer-eyed. It really seemed as though we had landed on the moon. Everything was so...other. Then our moving truck arrived and we began to fill the white-walled voids of our house with familiar things. Christmas came and went with ornaments hastily scattered the night before.

Then we began to scramble to our feet...to put things in their places and to resume our day-to-day routine. Homeschool. Mark's work. Naps. Meals. Laundry on the line. Food in the oven.

I mourned and complained for several weeks about the long list of things I missed...until my husband finally spoke the truth to me about my attitude. I needed to hear the truth. I didn't see what ugliness was growing in my heart until he held that truth-mirror to my eyes. Thank you, Mark, for having the courage to do what you did.

From then on, I have gradually, stumblingly given thanks for this place knowing that our time here is a gift. My mother recently asked me what I think about Death Valley. Without even struggling for words, I told her that Death Valley is for me like a monastary. It is clean and quiet and its largeness evokes a sense of openness and calm. It is the perfect place to retreat and to breathe. That is what I plan to do here. I will contentedly teach and love and care for my children and my husband. I will cultivate a merry heart. I will say "yes" to life here. I will breathe.

Ava watching our moving truck arrive.

The shock of our first day...can you see it in Oliver's eyes?

The girls enjoying their first time in our neighborhood playground.

First exploration of Badwater Basin, 282 feet below sea level.

The Blue and the Brown

2012-02-03T15:54:00.000-07:00

Desolation Canyon

Above Artist's Pallette

Dante's View

My mom in the wind...Dante's View

Things We've Seen Lately...from the back porch and beyond

2012-01-27T23:44:00.000-07:00

Blessings Counted

2012-01-19T00:35:00.002-07:00

1. Constellations of cream in fruity tea.

2. My smaller self, lost in the beauty of a moment.

3. Tea slurped from silver spoon, light in little sister's eyes.

4. Kitchen spinning, boys blur of tooth and blue in giggling orbit.

Nine Months, Five Days

2012-01-17T23:30:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday was the boys' nine-month birthday. Since I missed posting then, I thought I would share a few photos of our handsome chaps today. Enjoy!

Moon Landing Part Two: In Flight

2012-01-10T23:17:00.000-07:00

After my final goodbye to our home in Rocky Mountain National Park, it was still another three weeks before we could begin our new life in Death Valley.

First we headed to Paonia to spend Thanksgiving with my parents, sisters and a houseful (and I mean full!) of my dad’s New Mexico family. It was fantastic to see an aunt, uncles, cousins and second cousins that I haven’t seen in years. What a sweet time of catching up and remembering why I’m proud to be a Yeamans. Despite all that, I was reeling, having just been uprooted from the security of home and dropped into a stewpot of human interaction with no time to process what was happening to us.

After quiet settled again on Mom and Dad’s house, the kids and I stayed on there for two weeks while Mark returned to Estes Park. He still had a week of work left and the moving operations to supervise. What a blessing to have our move completely paid for by the NPS. All Mark had to do was watch as a team of experts packed every box and loaded it onto the truck!

All the photos in this post were taken in Paonia while we soaked up every last bit of love before moving far, far away.

Hello, 2012!

2011-12-31T22:29:00.000-07:00

This year promises to be filled with...

nightly sunset masterpieces

stars like you've never seen them before

sweet water that satisfies thirst like nothing else

sweet dimples to kiss

...and much, much more! Only time will tell what surprises are in store just around the bend!

Moon Landing Part One: The Launch

2011-12-27T23:34:00.001-07:00

Until mid-September, we had no plans to move. I had assumed that, since our lives had changed drastically already this year, it was a given for us to stay put another year or two until we got used to our brand new family of six. That's why it came as a shock to me when, one evening, as I was innocently cooking dinner, Mark began his post-workday conversation with me by saying he was planning to apply for a job at Death Valley National Park. There was something about the excitement in his voice that told me he was serious. I also knew he stood an excellent chance of being hired.

If it were up to me, we would have stayed in my comfortable world. But I love my man and I want him to have the chance to advance in his career and be happy with his job. This was an important move for him, so I was willing to do whatever I needed to do to support him.

From that night on, everything changed. No more planning for next year's garden or dreaming of what hikes I might try next summer when the boys would be old enough to leave with Mark for a day. It was time to begin two months of last looks...you know, the bittersweet way you walk through life when you know that each moment will probably be the last of its kind. Longingly noticing things like...

the amber color of the hardwood floor illuminated in afternoon sun

the stillness of two feet of snow blanketing the world at 2am

the way the stars sparkle in the crisp evening as I gather clothes off the line

Grace and Ava's excitement as I suit them up for a romp in the snow

how much I really do love our library and its beloved children's story time

a familiar view of "my" special aspen tree from the boys' window

what it feels like to share a meal with a family of dear ones

It was hard to know that the things I adored about living in Rocky Mountain and that made me feel at home would NEVER be a part of my life again. Even now, I dream at night about the color of the walls in our house or watching elk forage two feet away from our living room window.

Finally, in November, I took my last hike in Rocky Mountain National Park to the top of Eagle Cliff Mountain. This is the small mountain that stood between our house and Moraine Park, with its breathtaking views of more significant peaks. Each time I looked up at it, I knew that one day I must climb up there. I never imagined that my first view from its summit would be my last look into the heart of Rocky Mountain. Here is a photo of our house with Eagle Cliff Mt. in the background.

And here I am at the top looking east toward Estes Park and Lake Estes. One week later, I would drive away from this beautiful place for the last time.

(Maybe one day Mark will tell this story from his perspective. Then you might get less nostalgia and more looking ahead!)

Back on the Radar

2011-12-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

What a strange year it's been. For the third time in nine months, our world has changed completely and utterly. In April, our twin boys were born. In August, we began our homeschooling journey with Grace. Now, we find ourselves having been dropped into a moonscape. I feel as if I'm literally millions of miles away from all that is home. Merry Christmas, and welcome to the new chapter of this crazy journey we're on!

Trading...

2011-11-03T15:16:00.000-06:00

this...

for this...

In just a few short weeks our family will be making a long move from the heights of Rocky Mountain National Park, where our home lies at 8,000 ft above sea level to the depths of Death Valley National Park (California), where we will be close to 100 ft above sea level. You may see fewer posts from now until January as we begin the process of sorting our possessions and peeling ourselves away from the life we've created here. See you on the other side!

Chug Chug Chug

2011-10-29T21:56:00.000-06:00

When I said our beautiful autumn golds turned into glittery winter whites this week, I wasn't kidding! How providential that the book Grace and Ava read for school this week was "Katy and the Big Snow" by Virginia Lee Burton. The girls and I spent a good couple of hours in the fresh snow Wednesday building a city and "plowing" its streets with our sled using a compass to determine which direction to go next...just like Katy. We didn't give up until the job was done!

Pumpkins and Pals

2011-10-28T15:07:00.000-06:00

We had an amazing adventure last Monday, the last day before our beautiful autumn golds turned into glittery winter whites! We went down to our favorite pumpkin patch with the girls' good friend, Daytona. Then, back to our house for some pumpkin decorating, crock-pot stew, cookies and cider. What a great day for memories!

A Perfect Morning

2011-10-22T21:38:00.000-06:00

Hej Hej

2011-10-20T21:36:00.000-06:00

Here's a hint of the fun we had last weekend while my brother-in-law and nephew were visiting. Grace and Ava had such fun getting to know their cousin Melker. There was no end to the playing and running and giggling. The girls even learned some Swedish! It was a wonderful visit, and hopefully a good transitional time back to life in the U.S. for Mikael and Melker.

Just Sleep!

2011-10-15T20:39:00.000-06:00

This weekend we are welcoming my brother-in-law and two-year-old nephew into our home after their loooooong journey from Sweden. Hopefully this room will be a good place for them to replenish their weary souls for a couple days. Welcome back to the States, Mikael and Melker!

My, How They've Grown!

2011-10-12T07:06:00.000-06:00

This video begins with a segment from when the boys were just a few days old, then ends with a clip from two weeks ago. How much they've changed. Enjoy!

Six Months!

2011-10-12T06:50:00.000-06:00

Today marks six months since our boys burst into the world. Happy half-birthday, Gideon and Oliver! How we love you!

Gideon...you are our determined little one. You don't give up easily. That makes it hard for your parents when we want to put you to bed and you want to stay up. It also makes for some interesting car rides! But we hope you keep this characteristic and are able to use it well as you grow. It is they who never give up who eventually succeed! You giggle and smile easily and oh, those dimples! They are irresistible. You have your first two teeth already (ouch!!). You can roll over both ways and we are having to become more vigilant about where we put you down because you have already rolled off the couch. You even threw yourself out of your Bumbo seat (didn't know that was possible!) onto the dining room table yesterday. We thank God for protecting you from launching onto the floor. Serious childproofing, here we come!

Oliver...we have always seen you as our sensitive one. You are not necessarily more quiet than your brother, though. In fact, you love to talk and yell as loudly as you can and we love hearing your sweet little boy voice chatter. But you do seem to need more attention and tenderness and care. You are a snuggler and a drooler and a splasher. None of my babies has loved bathtime as much as you do and it's so fun to see the intent look on your face as you squirm and splash about in the water. You are also becoming more mobile, rolling about on the floor and even spinning in circles on your back as you chase after toys. Those big sisters had better get ready for a little mischief maker!

One Day It's Fall...

2011-10-08T21:13:00.002-06:00

...and the next? Snowsuits and mittens and candlelight dinners and spice cakes and hot tea. I'm definitely NOT ready for winter, but those girls of ours most certainly are. When the sun came out for a few minutes in the afternoon, Ava was quite concerned that the snow would all melt. I think she should have plenty of snow left in the morning!

Literary Rust

2011-10-05T20:55:00.000-06:00

This week, our school lessons are drawn from Virginia Lee Burton's classic book, "Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel". This provided an excellent excuse to head out for a field trip. We drove south past amazing close-up views of the diamond face of Long's Peak, past St. Malo's beautiful Chapel on the Rock, and through glowing tunnels of yellow and orange aspens in the peak of glorious autumn. We eventually ended up in Nederland, which for many, is famous because of its annual Frozen Dead Guy Days. You can read more about that interesting little event here.

The reason we wanted to go to Nederland, was to visit a very old steam shovel, the very last operational Bucyrus 50-B in existence. Mary Ann, the steam shovel in our book, looks almost exactly like this beautiful old beast, and it was really fun to be able to compare the illustrations in the book to the real thing. We talked about the different parts of the machine, how the machine we visited had been used on the Panama Canal, and the history of steam power, though I think the girls may have been more interested in the rocks and flowers surrounding old Bucyrus. Maybe this field trip was more for me and Mark than for them!

She smiles just like Mary Ann!

We also found this little beauty at the Mining Museum. It is a Bucyrus Erie 10-B, a smaller, slightly newer shovel than the 50-B.

Beached

2011-10-02T15:28:00.000-06:00

Photo Credit: Grace

Still Sundrenched

2011-09-30T22:20:00.000-06:00

These photos are from a beautiful hike to the Crater in Rocky Mountain National Park. This is only the second time we've done this hike in the four and a half years we've lived here, yet it's one of our favorites. It's one mile of steady uphill climbing to where the trail terminates at the brink of a spectacular precipice. Grace and Ava were quite impressive hikers, so we know we can look forward to many more adventures together with our family of little explorers!

Sundrenched

2011-09-27T22:05:00.000-06:00

I'll turn into a pumpkin if I don't go to bed soon, but I wanted to give you a quick hint of what our weekend was like. Don't we live in a beautiful world?

Birth Story...Part Seven: So Grateful

2011-09-25T16:23:00.000-06:00

I can't end this series without saying how grateful I am for the contributions of four special people to my healthy pregnancy and Gideon's and Oliver's successful births.

To Mom: You gave up four weeks of your time during the last month of my pregnancy and two weeks after the boys were born. You lived with us and took care of the girls and me when I had to slow down. Your help made it possible for me to carry Gideon and Oliver as long as I did and then helped smooth the transition during the first delicate weeks of their lives. We would never have survived without you!

April 8...Mom playing with Grace and Ava four days before the boys were born.

April 12...Mom holding Oliver for the first time.

_______________________________________________________________

To Janelle Boyington, our loveliest of midwives, for always listening, always being honest, and for taking such extraordinary care of me and my babies. Thank you for continuing to devote yourself to us even after the discovery that I was carrying twins complicated your role in our birth. Thank you for making it ok for me to take care of myself and for giving me the tools to do it well. Thank you for going to the hospital with us and for playing your role as encourager and mediator so beautifully. And thank you for following through with your compassionate care for as long as we needed you after the boys were born. You are the midwife of my dreams!

April 14...Janelle examining Gideon during her first of many postpartum visits.

Did I mention that Janelle came to our home for every prenatal and postpartum appointment?

_____________________________________________________________

To Mark: Thank you for allowing me to be the mother of your four beautiful children; for recognizing the strength in me and having confidence in me as a mother. Thank you for not being afraid to follow an alternative path in the birth of our children and for your patience, strength and understanding during their deliveries. You were (and remain) my rock. I will always love you!

April 13...Mark getting to know his boys at home.

April 15...Mark giving the boys their first sunbath.

____________________________________________________________

And finally...
To Dr. Johnny Johnson, for playing such an important role in the birth of our boys. Thank you for taking our case and making it possible for us to avoid a routine surgical birth. Thank you for listening to our hopes and doing everything you could to fulfill our desires for the births of our boys within the constraints of your profession. You inspired our confidence and respect and we are so grateful to you!

Once In a Blue Moon

2011-09-22T15:08:00.000-06:00

Amazingly enough, not only are these sweet angels sleeping, their brother is napping in the nursery and their sister is playing quietly in her room. "So", you may ask, "Why are YOU awake?" Valid question indeed!

Eight Years

2011-09-20T21:50:00.000-06:00

We spent a long weekend travelling to Mount Rushmore in honor of our eighth wedding anniversary. I can hardly believe it's been eight years since that enchanted evening we said our promises to each other in the candlelit sanctuary. I can also hardly believe how much our life has changed since then, and how much we've grown as partners and friends and parents. I'm still grateful for the gift God gave me in Mark...he is still ever kind to me, ever patient with me, ever generous to me...still the man who makes me feel at home. Mark, I love you like ice cream and long hikes and talks in old cars in wild places. Thanks for sharing your life with me!

Happy Oliver.

A beautiful male Western Painted Turtle we met along the way.

Sunday Last in the Sunshine

2011-09-14T21:53:00.000-06:00

Our outing last Sunday...family photos at Birch Ruins, then a peddle cart trip around Lake Estes. We're really savoring every last drop of warmth. After all, Mark tells me snow is in the forecast for tonight. How fast the days between spring and fall rush by in the mountains! We're thankful that it's getting much easier every passing day to get out and about with our large family. The boys are now FIVE months old and are getting happier, more aware, and more curious. They love outings almost as much as our big girls do.

Birth Story...Part Six: Turmoil and Triumph

2011-09-11T22:48:00.001-06:00

The next thing I knew, there was a sudden influx of the “hundreds” of staff who had previously left the room for the c-section next door. How could it be that a baby was born without them? I had a few minutes to gaze at Gideon, but heavy on my mind was the fact that my work was not over yet. Soon he was taken away from me and Mark followed him to a brightly lit station in a corner of the room where nurses examined and dressed Gideon.

Meanwhile, I was surrounded by animated blue pajamas. Gloved hands pressed hard on the right side of my belly to try to keep Oliver in a good position for his birth. Ultrasound was performed to get a good look at where he was. All told, there was a lot of external pressure on my belly and it did not feel good. Things generally started becoming chaotic and confusing for me at this point. Dr. Johnson began urging me to push hard. I wasn’t having contractions again and no one explained to me what all the urgency was about.

Only later did I learn that the ultrasound had revealed that Oliver had turned around into a posterior position (face up instead of down) after Gideon vacated his half of me. Also, Oliver’s cord was wrapped several times around his neck (coincidentally, Gideon's had been wrapped around his, too). These factors and Dr. J’s desire for the second baby to catch the window of time when my cervix was still open from Gideon’s birth were the cause for the urgency. I just wish someone had explained this to me instead of yelling for me to push and push and push harder.

I was still more or less on my back and the lack of gravity combined with no contraction activity, made my pushing ineffective. I was frustrated by the urges to PUSH without my body seeming to be ready and also alarmed by not knowing what all the excitement was about. Dr. J. ended up choosing to use a suction device to extract Oliver. It felt very invasive and painful, a plunger being repeatedly thrust into my uterus. I remember the feeling of pushing as hard as I could and writhing in pain with every plunge. Still, my eyes stayed focused on my tummy and the white handle of the vacuum device. Eventually, I had the sensation of a large someone slipping from me, much like normal birth sensations only much faster. So, only 16 minutes after his brother’s birth, sweet Oliver was born at 7:06. He was immediately swept away from me.

The next while is pretty foggy in my memory. I do remember delivering a placenta. It actually was both boys’ placentas, but no one told me that and I eventually had to ask if I was finished or still waiting for a second placenta. How happy I was to finally be done.

After a time, two tiny babies in striped caps were handed to me. Someone lifted up Oliver’s cap to show me the huge black circle of bruise on his forehead from his suction birth. Poor baby. I can’t help but think that had to be painful, even though Oliver couldn’t tell us. I’ll always be curious what the outcome of Oliver’s birth may have been if I had been allowed to birth him in my own time without intervention. I still believe in my heart he would have been fine, but I do respect Dr. Johnson’s decision. He was operating within the confines of the medical model of birth, and did his best to make sure both babies arrived safe. I’ll always be grateful for that!

So, only five and a half hours after that watery awakening, I found myself holding those two precious, healthy, hard-earned bundles. What a generous blessing from God!

This September Day

2011-09-10T21:35:00.001-06:00

Sweet Little Oliver

Oh, Gideon...Who beat you up?

Photo Credit: Grace, who discovered today that she really loves taking pictures.

The hour of sweet light.

School - Our student's reading and writing skills are about to explode. How amazing she is!

First Time!

2011-09-09T20:09:00.000-06:00

Look what our little student did today for the first time!

Birth Story...Part Five: White Revelation

2011-09-07T23:10:00.000-06:00

After rereading my last birth story post, I was let down a bit by what sounded like a spirit of complaining. It sounded like I was completely disgruntled with the medical establishment or complaining about all that I went through at the hospital. I think it was important for me to process my disappointment and the loss I felt over not having a home birth. BUT…I did eventually embrace this experience for what it was. I found myself opening gradually to this unique birth until I was able to release my expectations and be mindful about finding joy where I was. After all, this was the day I met my sons! What a day to celebrate!

So back to the story…The operating room was blindingly white and bursting with hospital staff. As soon as I rolled in, the anesthesiologist and his assistant wanted me to sign a release. I was pretty sure I wouldn’t need their services and I really didn’t want to take the time and energy for paperwork at this point in time. I could barely sign my name with my contractions so close together. Next I was wheeled into place beneath bright space ship-shaped lights, and my legs put up in stirrups. Then Dr. J., the OB appeared. Isn’t this the way births always happen in the movies?

So there I was, straddling Dr. J, still having strong regular contractions, but maintaining an internal focus on the sensation of being relaxed and open. Dr. J asked me if I wanted to push at all…to give him some “good Dr. Johnson pushes”. It hadn’t occurred to me to do anything but what my body was telling me, but I started to put some effort into pushing with each contraction. I was very undemonstrative, as is my nature, because most of the work was going on quietly inside me. Dr. Johnson seemed a little impatient with my progress, even after just 20 or 30 minutes with me. In his words, I was letting this baby “passively descend”. I probably did appear to be a little passive (aren’t women in labor supposed to be screaming?), but I could feel my body changing and the baby descending and I didn’t feel like I wanted to force the process. So I didn’t. I didn’t care if people wanted more of a performance. I knew that what was happening in my body was natural and right.

Soon, everyone but Mark, Janelle, and one nurse left the room to attend to the scheduled C-section next door. I was relieved. Janelle had encouraged me earlier (when she saw my eyes darting around the room as a tray of silver instruments was wheeled into place before me) to remain focused and centered instead of paying attention to the swirling chaos around me. So I restrained my gaze to my belly for most of the rest of the birth. I thought a lot about how these were the last few moments my body would look like this and have my babies inside of it. That calm focus became easier after my audience of hundreds (or so it felt) left the room. Someone suggested getting me a squat bar, which was installed above me. The first time I tried it, it didn’t make much of a difference and made my legs tire very quickly from bearing most of the weight of my 175-pound body.

At 6:30, a strange and wonderful thing happened. We began hearing crickets chirp. Can you imagine how a cricket could get inside a sterile operating room? We couldn’t. Everyone was puzzled until Mark realized his phone alarm (with a birdsong and cricket ringtone) was going off in his pocket to wake him up for work. Thanks, Mark, for bringing nature to my ears and a smile to my heart!

About 15 minutes later, I began to get impatient and decided to try the squat bar again. This time, I had an extremely strong contraction and with the help of gravity, my first baby (twin A…on my right…Gideon) was born. I could feel his head crown and emerge, and then his body slip out with just another push or two. What I love about Gideon’s birth was that because I was fully draped and because I was so deep into the nauseating feeling of the contraction and pushing him out, no one knew he had been born except for me. It’s like Gideon’s gift was to allow me an element of home birth right there in the operating room. No one could take the credit for “delivering” him. What a rush!

Eventually…could have been seconds or minutes later…Janelle noticed slight changes in my body language and checked under me. “Baby, Baby!!” she exclaimed. I heard Gideon make his first sounds from beneath me where he had landed (on a stool or part of the drop-bed…I’m not sure). Someone helped me back into a seated position and Janelle placed a beautiful, wrinkly Gideon Sage on my chest…6:50am.

Quack Quack!

2011-09-06T21:29:00.000-06:00

Last week, the girls studied "The Story About Ping", a classic childrens' book about a duck living on the Yangtze River in China. On the day we did science, I decided to take the kids to our local duck pond to do some observations of ducks. All five of us enjoyed not only watching the ducks, but just being outside on a golden fall morning. While Grace and Ava attempted chasing down ducks for close observation, Oliver napped on a cozy blanket in the shade and Gideon kept an eye on the ducks from a safe distance. Homeschooling is fun stuff!

September!

2011-09-01T21:06:00.002-06:00

Birth Story...Part Four: Not My Way

2011-08-30T23:14:00.001-06:00

Our plan was to head to the hospital parking lot and have Janelle examine my cervix before going inside. If I wasn’t at least 8 cm dilated, we would go to my sister’s house to labor in the comfort of her home until I was closer. The idea was to spend as little time in the hospital as possible. Based on how my labor felt to me upon arrival at the hospital compared to my previous experiences, I expected to be less than 5 or 6 cm. That’s why I was shocked when Janelle announced that I was at 8 cm. I sure didn’t feel like I had worked that hard already. I’d only been in labor for a few hours! So into the hospital I went, pausing to lean on Mark whenever a contraction would come. I remember sitting down for the registration process (remember, we had preregistered at a different hospital and changed our plans last minute on the drive down) and feeling odd to have to answer personal trivia for strangers while pausing every couple minutes to let a contraction wash over me. The admission time listed on my hospital bracelet is 5:07 am.

The first wheelchair ride of my life took me to the labor and delivery room where I was to be prepped to go into the operating room. Of course I didn’t want to birth my babies in the operating room, but that was a requirement for multiple births. Delivering twins by cesarean is a highly likely scenario in the medical/hospital model of birth. To be completely honest, twin births are more likely to present complications, but I was certain in my mind that this wouldn’t be true in my case.

In the labor and delivery room, faceless nurses started swirling around me and each time a new one came in, she’d ask, “boy or girl?” I became more irritated each time to have to repeat my story in the midst of the deep internal focus I experience during labor. I finally stopped answering the questions and deferred to Mark and Janelle. One of the nurses asked me to change into a hospital gown and it became clear that wearing my own clothes, as I had wanted, was not an option. When I realized that the easiest of my wishes for a hospital birth (wearing my own clothes, no iv – ha!, eating and drinking during labor – ha!) was not to be granted, I felt completely disheartened. If I couldn’t have my way on this point, then I couldn’t expect to have control over anything. You might say that this whole pregnancy and birth was an exercise in letting go of my expectations and relinquishing control of my circumstances…both things that do not come easily to me. At this point, I was experiencing a lot of resistance to my circumstances, as I’m sure you can tell. That eventually passed.

So I proceeded, fuming, to the restroom to change my clothing and provide a urine sample. I was going to attend to the urine sample first, but didn’t even get that far before I felt an irresistibly strong urge to push, usually a sign for me that a baby will be born very soon! I was alarmed, not wanting to give birth on a hospital toilet, and called out to Mark and Janelle for help. They heard the fright in my voice and helped me out onto the bed. Janelle talked me through the next couple of contractions until I was able to relax and gain control while another anonymous nurse installed my (completely unwanted) iv. In all the chaos, I never ended up getting my clothes changed.

I was wheeled in my own brown shirt…bump, ouch, bump, oooh!... down to the OR past what seemed like dozens of people. What an odd thing to have strangers peering at me during this most private of moments. I felt a bit of sadness moving through those bright white corridors when I really wanted to be in the dimly lit nest of own home accompanied only by two people of my choosing. A few tears welled up in my eyes as I realized the finality that this journey represented. After weeks of uncertainty and not knowing how or where this birth would unfold, I knew that this was it. My tears were not tears of bitterness, but the final release of my dream for a home birth. There was a great sense of peace, too. I felt the great overshadowing of God’s presence as I meditated on taking refuge in Him.

Getting out of the House

2011-08-29T21:32:00.000-06:00

After a good morning of schoolwork, we needed to get out of the house. A walk around Lake Estes did the trick for all five of us.

(I know, I know...the birth story is not finished yet. This is my first five minutes in the last week when I've had two hands free to type. Please be patient with me!)

First Week of School at Our House

2011-08-25T22:12:00.000-06:00

Brain food (oatmeal and a peach-kale herba-smoothie) for a day of learning.

Our very first post-twins family photo...taken on the hike we took to celebrate our first day of homeschool.

Oliver the hiker.

I found that I had to have a secondary activity planned for Grace in moments when I couldn't directly supervise her reading lesson.

Ava works on her art project, an acrylic picture of white rain on a dark background to go with our book for the week, Storm in the Night by Mary Stolz.

And of course, Gideon got in on the education activities as well. Happy first week of school to us!

Last Day of Summer

2011-08-22T22:50:00.000-06:00

I made it home from Paonia yesterday (after a drive that just barely left my sanity intact!). Many thanks to my dear parents who let us do this to their house and life for a few days...

Now that we're back home, it's time to begin the next chapter in our family's life. Tomorrow will be the first day of school for the sweetest five-year-old I know! Grace, may your life be full of the quest for wisdom and knowledge and may your school days be full of wonder!

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom; all who follow his precepts have good understanding. To him belogns eternal praise."

Psalm 111:10

Birth Story...Part Three: Lights in the Night

2011-08-19T22:58:00.001-06:00

The one thing I did have ready for a possible trip to the hospital was a list of things I wanted to pack. So, while I lay soaking in a puddle of rapidly chilling amniotic fluid, I read Mark my list and he and my mom (who was staying in her camper in our driveway) scurried around packing a bag, a cooler for food, and preparing the car. It took almost two hours, so by the time we were ready to go, I was shivering and very ready to get up. It was good that Mark made me stay in bed, though, because moving around and being upright could have made my labor really take off before we were ready.

When everything was packed, I got up, dried off and changed into the clothes I wanted to hopefully give birth in. We had carefully prepared a birth plan outlining our wishes for a hospital birth and on that list I had expressed my desire to wear my own clothes instead of a hospital gown. I felt that being in my own clothing would help me have a sense of ownership in a situation where I probably wouldn’t have much control. After our discussions with the OB and his staff, I was convinced that this might be the ONLY one of my wishes that had any chance of accommodation. So on went a carefully chosen skirt and top and my favorite grey cardigan.

I wanted very much to wake up Grace and Ava to tell them goodbye, knowing that things might never be the same in my relationships with them. We decided it would be best to just let them continue sleeping, though, and allow them to wake up to an extraordinary surprise in the morning.

I remember feeling very calm when we finally left the house at around 3:30am. Contractions were beginning to occur regularly and kept up at about every 4-5 minutes the whole way to Denver. This didn’t alarm me because with both girls, it took 24 hours from the first signs of labor until birth. It didn’t seem possible to me that this labor would be significantly shorter.

I remember looking into a beautiful starry sky as we drove toward Estes Park and seeing Scorpio to the south. Seeing that gorgeous hook of stars was a great gift for me that night because Scorpio is my favorite constellation and it is rare indeed for me to be up late enough to see it in the springtime. Normally, I only see it in the summer, when it appears in the sky before midnight.

I wasn’t really paying attention, but Mark tells me he was flying through downtown Estes Park at 50 mph. I do remember him questioning out loud whether or not he should run a red light, deciding to stop, then telling me about a dream he had in which he got pulled over on the way to the hospital. Moments later, as we pulled away from the intersection, lights started flashing behind us. What policemen wouldn’t pull over a car speeding through a small town at 3:30 in the morning? The officer seemed a little nervous when he found out our situation. He really, really didn’t want to be involved with a birth and offered to call us an ambulance (no thanks). Then he sent us on our way with an admonition to be careful (yes, sir!).

Our last stop on the way to Denver was to pick up Janelle in Pinewood Springs. We were so glad to have her ride along and lend her calm, beautiful presence to our journey. She was in touch with Dr. J, the OB, who asked us to head toward Rose Medical Center instead of Presbyterian St. Luke’s, where we had originally intended to go. He had a cesarean scheduled at Rose at 7am and thought it would be better logistically for me to be at the same location. Since my sister works at Rose, and had in fact, just given birth to my little niece there two weeks prior, it seemed like a very comfortable change of direction.

Our drive seemed quite pleasant to me. I was just enjoying the novelty of being out and about in the predawn hours, watching the stars, listening to bits of pleasant conversation, the delicious anticipation of meeting our babies, and observing my body. My contractions were not overwhelming at all. Each time one would come I would close my eyes and concentrate on relaxing my body with my palms open on my lap. Janelle said she had to watch my face very closely to even know when they were occurring. And so passed the first four hours of labor.

Under A Magical Canopy of Shade

2011-08-19T12:04:00.000-06:00

Road Trip

2011-08-16T22:40:00.000-06:00

Today's adventure was a cross-state road trip with just me and my four wee ones. We had some stereophonic crying several times, but finally made it to Grammy's and Gramps's house all in one piece. Here the boys are at my favorite rest stop in Glenwood Canyon, where we like to stretch out in the shade of the cottonwoods by the river.

Our "new" car has a tape deck, so Grace and Ava got to experience some of my favorite music from a lifetime ago. Grace's favorite is Michael W. Smith's I 2 (Eye) album, a classic which also happens to be the very first tape I ever owned (dating all the way back to 1993). She has excellent taste! I had to stop at the top of McClure pass for a photo featuring said "new" car before a stunning Western Slope backdrop. This is one of my all-time favorite views from anywhere in the world...one which I can remember being in awe of from as long ago as early childhood.

This final photo is from the homestretch of our journey. I just loved the van with the canoe on top, although the peaceful feeling this image conveys was affected somewhat by the screaming of two babies behind me as I snapped the picture. Almost there!!!

Now that we're here, I think we'll play with Grammy and Gramps a bit, pick some of Paonia's famed peaches, and maybe even check out some live music. Nothing's better than August in western Colorado! After that, it's home again, home again for the first week of Grace's homeschool career!

(For those of you following the boys' birth story, look for another installment soon!)

Our Dinosaur Princess

2011-08-14T14:56:00.000-06:00

Had to take a break to share this picture of Grace in her new favorite shirt. Thanks, Aaron Sours!

Birth Story...Part Two: A Watery Awakening

2011-08-13T22:33:00.000-06:00

1:30 am, April 12

A sudden awakening. A warm gush of amniotic fluid. I remember feeling disbelief that this could happen, since I had been lying perfectly still in bed for the last several hours. After all, my experience with Grace had been very different. That time, I had been twisting to turn off the light when I felt a pop, like biting into a plump, juicy grape. This time, I had taken extreme care to never twist (as if my hugely ponderous body even could!) and so protect myself from prematurely breaking the waters. It happened anyway.

I must have jumped a little and somehow vocalized my surprise, because Mark immediately woke up saying, “Is it time?” When he turned on the light, I looked down at my abdomen to discover that only the right half of me had deflated. Throughout the last part of my pregnancy, my belly was almost square shaped (looking down from my perspective) with two distinct sides separated with a slight dip down the midline. I had been lying on my left side and now the right lobe of me (Gideon’s side) was clearly smaller.

Mark called Janelle, our amazing midwife, and she encouraged us to get ready to head to the hospital in Denver. Let me end this segment by saying that I did not want to have these babies in the hospital. We chose to have both of our girls at home and their births were both peaceful and beautiful. Grace had been born in our bedroom with the perfume of rain-soaked sandstone drifting through the window. Ava had been born into candlelit water, and caught up by her Aunt Sarah to be placed on my chest. These were amazing, rite-of-passage moments for me and I couldn’t imagine ever, ever choosing to give birth anywhere but home. The first half of my pregnancy, before we knew it was twins, was spent thinking ahead to the kind of home birth I wanted this time…what ambiance I wanted to create and who I wanted to be there. I was looking forward to giving birth again. Then, when we found out we were having two babies, all my expectations came crashing down and I had to adjust to a new plan. This was hard.

I remember crying out to the Lord in prayer one day, asking for some way to still have a home birth, but at the same time, just wanting his perfect plan. I desperately wanted to stay at home, yet I asked God to give me peace about whatever path he chose, even if that eventually led us to the hospital. At times it seemed unfair that we were being forced into an unwanted situation just because of a law in our state that seemed to have nothing to do with us personally. After all, I was in perfect health, both babies were in amazing positions, and there was no reason to believe that we would experience complications. But I had to lay down my desires and surrender. After all, birthing my sons was my priority…not my personal desires for the birth experience.

That morning, I still had not come to a complete realization that the hospital WAS where I was headed. I had not even packed a bag yet thinking that somehow…somehow I would get to stay home. Now I knew. I was definitely in labor and we definitely had time to make the drive to the hospital. I could not “accidentally” have the babies fall out of me at home. We were committed to a course of action.

Little Ava Rose

2011-08-12T13:54:00.000-06:00

Birth Story...Part One: Introduction

2011-08-12T13:30:00.002-06:00

Gideon and Oliver waited until 36 weeks and 3 days to be born. What an answer to prayer! I also believe it’s a tribute to the mind-body connection, because I went into labor the morning after I began to feel it would be safe for them to come. We had travelled to Denver to meet with our OB and our midwife for a prenatal appointment on April 11. At that appointment, the boys were doing fantastically. We had an extensive ultrasound and it was determined that they were both head down, with the twin on my right (Gideon) further down than the other (Oliver). Both were in the same weight range, an estimated six pounds apiece. I loved seeing the boys’ bodies, their perfect little spines, each a beautiful string of pearls on black velvet. All the evidence from the appointment indicated that the boys would be fully ready to be born at any time. That day I felt a definite shift in my attitude…from holding on to the pregnancy with all my might so that the babies wouldn’t be born too early, to feeling like it might just be ok to let go. Little did I know that we’d be returning to Denver again within twelve hours to meet the boys on the outside for the first time!

Focus

2011-08-11T13:57:00.001-06:00

This is my favorite little windowsill cairn. It's always there to remind me to stay on the right path...to stay centered...and to build my house on the Rock of Jesus.

They're Worth It!

2011-08-10T16:20:00.000-06:00

The 24-hour-a-day effort...the interruptions...the patience-building moments. They're worth it!

(Stay tuned for birth stories. It takes a while to type when you have to do it one-handed! And thanks to our three readers for voting!)

Favorite Summer Moments

2011-08-09T14:53:00.001-06:00

(By the way...is anyone interested in reading the boys' birth story here, or are ya'll just into pictures? Vote please!)

Happy Sunday Napping from Guess Who?

2011-08-07T15:52:00.000-06:00

Where Have You Been?

2011-08-05T14:43:00.000-06:00

Where have you been for all these months? A valid question, indeed. So much has happened that I hardly know where to begin. After the revealing ultrasound, we spent the next several weeks preparing for our double bundles. We bought a second crib and a second car seat. We also had to get a vehicle that could hold all of us at one time. After searching for something that was good on gas, cheap in price, and large enough for six, we finally decided on a mini-van. That's right, the Nydell clan now sports a red 2002 Toyota Sienna. Tamara was pretty hesitant at first about owning a mini-van, but she has come around and well, enjoy would be a strong word, but she can tolerate it enough. Sure, it is not our dream car but it suits us for this stretch of our life.

After all the 'things' were purchased for the boys-to-be, we started trying to get all the random projects finished before they arrived and time no longer was ours. Tamara made the boys some blankets and an awesome string of banners to hang in their room and I painted some cloud paintings to liven up the hallway.

We continued meeting with our midwife but we also realized the dynamics of the birth were going to have to change for us. Our midwife brought to our attention the fact that fascilitating the home birth of multiples by a midwife is against the law in the state of Colorado and that we needed to start considering other plans for the boys arrival. She was willing to continue with the home birth if that was what we really wanted and if she was able to find another midwife to assist her. However, she also mentioned that she could lose her license if we did a home birth...even if everything went perfectly well. After several weeks of discussion, praying, and thinking, we finally realized that it was not worth her losing her license for our precious boys. We were going with the hospital route, but only on one condition; we wanted Janelle, the midwife, to be at the hospital with us. She was such a wonderful person that we didn't want to end our relationship so suddenly. She was thrilled with the idea and even gave us some suggestions for a doctor to work with. We already knew that we did not want to stay in Estes Park to deliver the boys, especially after we realized how often the doctors up here gave cesareans. The number one doctor on her list was the perfect candidate for us. He was really nice, knew what he was doing, had worked with Janelle before, and was willing to do whatever he could to make the birth as natural and peaceful as possible.

So, while we were still seeing the midwife, we also drove to Denver every couple weeks to see the doctor. It was exhausting going down there so often but we were also able to get a lot of our errands done sooner than we had expected.

About seven weeks before the boys arrival, Tamara had basically been put on bed rest in order to ensure that the birth would take place as close to the due date as possible. Because I was at work most of the days, she was unable to look after and play with the girls as much as she would have liked. Tamara's mom saved the day and moved in with us in order to help around the house and take care of the girls. She really did rescue us. I know we would not have had as smooth of a pregnancy if not for her huge help. Thank you!

I guess that pretty much brings us to the actual arrival of the boys. That I shall leave for another post.

2011-08-04T12:48:00.000-06:00

2011-08-03T12:49:00.000-06:00

2011-08-02T13:41:00.000-06:00

Camping

2011-08-01T16:47:00.000-06:00

2011-07-30T15:08:00.002-06:00

Thankfulness Thursday

2011-07-28T15:25:00.000-06:00

Bringing me joy today:

the sweet weight of a sleeping baby
my favorite soaked whole-grain pancake recipe
my girl's precious voice telling me "sweet dreams, Mama" at 3am after I respond to her cry
the million pinpricks of light in the predawn sky
my boys' delicious dimples
my man in uniform
the living, earthy, spice-laced fragrance of cool air after the rain

2011-07-27T14:05:00.001-06:00

I think I've discovered that I'm a much better blogger when I don't force myself to include words. After all, I've always been a person of few words. I experience my world most purely through what I see and smell and feel and verbalizing any of it usually feels cheap and unsatisfying compared to the original thing. Why should my blogging be any different? I hope you'll enjoy these images from my days, and please stay tuned, because my amazing husband plans to write a post to update you on everything that happened in our lives between "The Ultrasound" on January 25th and now. It was a whirlwind of a spring!

2011-07-26T14:14:00.000-06:00

2011-07-25T15:01:00.000-06:00

The Ultrasound

2011-01-25T19:58:00.005-07:00

Sitting in a dimly lit room at the hospital, staring up at the black and white images being displayed on the screen in front of you, anxiously waiting to see your unborn child for the first time, you can't help but feel pride and joy when the radiologist says, "there is your baby's head..." but nothing, absolutely nothing can prepare you for what was uttered next, "...and there is the other head." Wait. What did she say? Actually, Tamara's exact words were, "what's that?" I wasn't even able to produce words. That would have required some sort of thought pattern and I was having none of that for the moment. All I could remember was Tamara looking back at me, eyes wide with a stunned look on her face, and me realizing my mouth was gaping open. Shocked is not even the right word. Stunned doesn't begin to describe our feelings. We were amazed! TWO BABIES!?! WOW!

Instantly, the 'fix-it male' in me started processing the situation...we are going to need a bigger vehicle; we are never eating out again; I guess another set of bunk-beds would work; we are never going to sleep again; oh, wait the radiologist is talking...what's that we're looking at? Wait a minute. That's a, that's a...it's a boy! No, my mistake, it's two boys!

Needless to say, we would have been shocked enough just having one boy in an all girl house but now we find we are expecting two. I guess this evens the genders up. I will no longer be out numbered as we enter this new frontier for the Nydell family...boys.

The ultrasound session continued as we watched the little hearts beat at a great pace, they moved their little arms around, and we even got to see one of the boys opening and closing his mouth as he brushed his hand over his face! It was reassuring to see that both the boys are growing at the same pace and they both appeared to be healthy and active.

The drive home from Fort Collins, was filled with wonderful conversations about the adventures ahead of us and the blessings that will be in store. Our heads are still spinning about the thought of twins but we know that God would never give us something we couldn't handle (thanks Tamara, for that encouraging thought).

Warm Hearts

2010-12-29T15:41:00.000-07:00

It was a lovely Christmas in Colorado! Our house was bustling all weekend...full of laughter and food and Yeamans silliness. We walked in the cool, clear air. We played games. We watched our traditionally loved Christmas movie: "Little Women". We ate homemade ice cream and hot fudge sauce. We listened to the heartbeats of two tiny babes. We watched two dear girls discover their gifts under the tree. It was everything Christmas should be (minus guest rooms for everyone to sleep comfortably in...give us a couple years!).

The day after Christmas (Mom's birthday!), we went outside for a quick and giddy photo shoot with my sisters. My youngest sister, Christy-Lou is having a baby, too...just four weeks before me, and we wanted to comemorate this time of shared abundance. How special to get to share experiences with my sisters!

My family!

Dad, Mom, Sarah, me and Christy-Lou

Our family was not quite complete this Christmas because my sister Laura lives in Sweden with her husband and son. We missed having them with us! Of course, we idealize what it must be like to be able to pop over to Scotland (as they did) for Christmas, so we don't feel too badly for them!

The girls' Aunt Sarah spent her whole weekend knitting determinedly on our couch as she called out row numbers for these cute little elf slippers. She also made red ones for Grace. Out of all the girls' gifts, I think these are MY favorites. If they were to cite favorites, the girls would probably name their new harmonicas or the safety scissors they spent the whole weekend making piles of paper shreds on the floor with! The simple gifts are always the best!

Now the house is quiet again. I am looking forward to taking the next few days to significantly reduce my family's sugar intake, create new goals for the coming year, and get organized and inspired!

Christmas Time!

2010-12-24T15:47:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas everyone! As I write this, my house smells of maple walnut cookies and roasted chicken and I'm expecting a house full of guests to arrive in an hour. The season is upon us! What a precious time to celebrate the Light of the world. I am thankful for so many things as I look back on the year.

This was our first full year living in park housing in Rocky Mountain National Park. Our modest little house in the mountains is all we could have ever wanted and we find ourselves thankful every day for place to call home.
This was also Mark's first full year as a permanent NPS employee after almost a decade of persistence as a seasonal ranger. I'm so proud of him!!
This year, we committed to a decision to teach our children at home. I began a preschool curriculum with the girls and we have all been enjoying the structure it brings to our days. We're so thankful that we have the opportunity to choose the way our children are educated.
I had the opportunity to do a lot of solo climbing and exploring in Rocky Mountain National Park during the late summer. I will always remember the feeling of being alone on those windy summits, looking down at the beauty of the world. I built miniature cairns in my kitchen windows to remind myself that these adventures are always possible.
This year, we made more strides toward a more natural, whole diet. I continued using kefir in our breakfasts every morning. I began growing my own sourdough starter and have been using it daily for healthy tortillas and pancakes and waffles. In the coming year, I hope to learn more about herbalism and orthomolecular nutrition as well as making homemade vegetable juices more a part of our daily diet.
Mark planted his first vegetable garden this year. Although it was small and experimental, we were able to enjoy a wealth of fresh herbs, greens, and even tomatoes late in the season. What a blessing!
We discovered the difference grass makes in the diet of a beef cow when we bought our first portion of grass fed beef straight from a ranch in beautiful, windswept Wyoming. It tastes so good, and we can be confident that it is also much better for our bodies than conventional beef.
We found out in August that we are expecting our third child! We are planning our third home birth in early May.

What a year it has been. My heart is full as I head back into my kitchen to add the finishing touches to a pot of Christmas Eve soup and wait for the arrival of loved ones. May your Christmas also be full of joy!!

From Mountains to Monuments

2010-12-14T18:12:00.018-07:00

Big canyons, tall trees, erupting geysers, and gigantic mountains are what most people think of when you mention the National Park Service. That is exactly what I think of as well. Rarely do I think of the Jefferson National Expansion Memorial, San Francisco Maritime National Historic Park, or the White House as park service sites…but they are.

Just last week, I was given a training opportunity in Washington D.C. The training itself was not necessarily what I was looking forward to, but the chance to see old friends and visit where our country began was something that I could not miss.

Of all the large cities that I have been to, I had never visited D.C. before. Instantly, I realized that I stood out amongst the native politicians and federal employees. I guess I should have worn more black!

While the days were spent in a classroom setting, the evenings were spent with friends as we explored the awe inspiring monuments throughout the city.

It is hard to say what my favorite part of the trip was. Either it was standing at the feet of Abe at the Lincoln Memorial (and visiting the secrets below), watching A Christmas Carol at the Ford’s Theater,

or having sushi for the first time! I know that I will never forget this past week and I am looking forward to taking Tamara and the girls on a future visit.

After just a week in the District of Columbia, I went away with many fond memories as well as several great stories to tell. I am sure Tamara will soon tire from hearing them, but I can't help sharing them!

Working Man

2010-11-17T14:53:00.000-07:00

Today was Mark's first day back at work after a two week furlough. It was cold, clear and icy out; a vividly beautiful day. I might have been tempted to take the girls snowshoeing, but look at the wind on those mountains! Instead, we went to Coffee on the Rocks to get a treat for Mark. I so appreciate all his hard work and the way he is committed to taking care of his family. Thank you, Mark!

Home Again

2010-11-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

We finally returned home again after a week and a half in Montana. It is good to be home even though we returned to an ice-cold winter and brought the first colds of the season home with us. Despite feeling like the bottom of a grasshopper's boot, I was excited to finally move the guest bed out of my office and begin reassembling my personal space after more than four months without one. It's pretty empty in here, but I love the sparseness. Maybe I'll take a trip to the store this week to find just a few embellishments.

Attentiveness

2010-09-11T16:24:00.000-06:00

September is here, and with it, we are making a more intentional effort to bring learning into our days together. Our family made a decision to homeschool recently (more on that another time!), so this year will be one of experimentation. Since Grace is only four, we have plenty of time to figure out what works for her and what learning styles she responds to. The most important focus this year will not be academics, but character lessons. I believe those are the lessons that are the most fundamental to living a good life, and will, in fact, inform the way our children perform academically. If they are disciplined, have honor, integrity and dilligence, they cannot help but excel.

So this week, we studied attentiveness. We read Bible stories concerning paying attention to God and others. We did activities and played games, and also incorporated lots of affirmations and discipline in the area of listening and paying attention. Grace's favorite thing was when we played animal hide and seek.

I would hide and make an animal noise and the girls would have to listen carefully to figure out where I was. We also made the special animal ears you see in the pictures. We talked about animals and how many of them have to be good listeners to survive. The girls got to pick any kind of animal ears to put on their headbands, and of

course both Grace and Ava wanted pink kitty ears! You can see our theme verse for the week on the front of the headbands.

"He who belongs to God hears what God says" John 8:47

Jewels of Summer

2010-08-21T15:19:00.001-06:00

Rewind

2010-08-15T15:52:00.002-06:00

It seems appropriate to rewind a bit in order to review some of the wonderful things we've been doing this summer. In this post I mentioned that my sister and her family would be coming from Sweden to spend some time with us. Well, they did! They came in late June and spent most of the next month at our house.

Kvam Family at Cub Lake

We explored every child-accessible corner of Rocky Mountain National Park together, but my favorite part of their visit was getting to see my girls get to know their Aunt Laura, Uncle Mikael and Cousin Melker. Grace and Ava found out that having a boy-cousin is great fun. They played with him like they had always been friends and especially loved leading him around like a puppy. I think Melker enjoyed it as much as the girls did!

Of course, Aunt Laura and Uncle Mikael were quite popular with the girls, too. My sister has always had a keen imagination, which combined with her natural ability to teach, made her an excellent and popular playmate.

This was our first visit with Laura and Mikael since little Melker was a newborn. How he has changed since then. He is becoming such a fun little man! Laura and Mikael have also moved on a bit in their roles as parents. I found myself appreciating Laura more than ever for her ability to think carefully, communicate clearly, and to interact with stories and imaginative play in a way that reaches straight to a child's heart.

The only real Swede at the Scandinavian Midsummer Festival

Ava Shows off her Swedish Ribbons

Happy Melker

Thanks so much for sharing such wonderful moments with us, Laura, Mikael and Melker. We love you!

A Glimpse at the Garden

2010-08-12T13:50:00.003-06:00

Gathering Thoughts

2010-08-08T22:18:00.000-06:00

In the waning hours of the day, my girls and I headed outside to walk in the coolness of the evening and kick pine cones around the driveway. This was only one of many great moments with them today...Grace resting her head in my lap during church, snuggling with Ava while she emerged from the sleepiness of her nap, sitting on the porch reading Edward Abbey's Desert Solitaire aloud, answering Grace's questions about why there was a monster in the book (Abbey's description of a flash flood: "Surprised by delight, I stood there in the heat, the bright sun, the quiet afternoon, and watched the monster roll and roar toward me."), etc... Precious moments, indeed!

Impressions of Impermanence

2010-08-05T15:44:00.000-06:00

Nothing is permanent. However much I may want to hold on to the warmth and beauty of the summer, it will eventually give way to fall. However much I may want to restrain my lovely girls from growing up, they will keep changing day by day. What a wonderful time in my life this is. I am daily reminded to give thanks for what is now...for this moment.

Summer Loveliness

2010-06-24T15:08:00.001-06:00

The arrival of June heralds a time of accelerated activity as we rush headfirst into the beauty of living. At no other time of the year does nature's exhillarating aliveness inspire us more to be like it...living and vital and beautiful. I strive to remain still and aware despite the temptation to rush along oblivious until the summer loveliness fades again into fall. And yes, the temptation is strong! This week marks the beginning of a month-long period of excitement and family and adventures with all their inevitable responsibilities and preparations.

We were blessed to be able to host the Drakes, friends from our days in Zion National Park and their beautiful month-old baby girl. They spent last night with us and hiked with us to Dream Lake in the magical light of a perfect afternoon. How good to be able to reconnect with old friends!!
My sister Laura arrived in the States from Sweden Tuesday with her husband and 10-month old son. We look forward to seeing them tomorrow and sharing a wonderful weekend with all my family as we enjoy the Estes Park Scandinavian Midsummer Festival.
Grace turns four one week from today! We plan to drive to Paonia, CO to celebrate with all my family and then, three days later, celebrate our country's birthday Cherry Day's style!
I fly to California in two weeks to join in the celebration of my dear friend Elizabeth's wedding. I can't wait to soak in the coastal beauty, smell the orange blossoms, and be present with Elizabeth on her day of all days.
Much of the rest of July will be spent with my sister Laura as we have many untold adventures together before she returns home to Sweden.

Bring on the summer!!

Garden in Progress

2010-06-15T16:35:00.006-06:00

Two months ago, I started working on creating a family garden. Since we have such a short growing season at our home above 8,000 feet, I wanted our garden to be on the south facing side of the house. I also wanted to have a fence around the garden large enough to keep the local elk, deer, bear, squirrel, and rabbit population out of our potential vegetable patch.

Thankfully, we have the perfect spot along one side of our garage! The location wasn't as large as I would have wanted...about 64 square feet...but it was a great size to start with, especially since it is my first attempt at a garden. It took me a few weeks to get the overgrown vegetation uprooted and cleared out and to loosen the soil in preparation for the future vegetables. It was very peaceful working in the soil, getting my hands and knees stained with mud and fertilizer.

I also built my first fence! That was very fun! I really enjoyed drawing up detailed plans, cutting the wood to size, digging deep holes for the posts, painting the wooden posts, stretching the wire fencing, and finally, putting a door on! It is by far the best thing I have ever built.

So far, not much is growing in our little garden, but it is still early. While we see people in warmer parts of the world talking about the types of vegetables they are already harvesting from their gardens, we still have only sprouts at best...although, the radishes are about ready to nibble.

Since the fenced section is so small, I have also planted outside of the fence in the hopes that the animals would leave our bounty alone. I guess we will wait and see!

Spring Cleaning

2010-05-23T15:04:00.000-06:00

You may have noticed that we've been curiously absent for a while. You may think you deserve an explanation...and you probably do. I've been doing a bit of housecleaning, but not the literal sweeping and scrubbing that household maintenance requires. I've been diverting my blogging, web-surfing, and napping energy to all the little projects that have gotten swept under the rug over time. I'm clearing out the old to make space for the new...in the name of spring, of course! Who can resist a little freshening in the spring? Some things that have recently been checked off my list are:

finally consolidating all of my files into the drawer that has been waiting unused for six months. It is so nice to have everything accessible at my fingertips!
finishing Ava's baby book. I promised myself that my second child would not suffer the injustice of an unfinished baby book.
creating a plan to reduce my Mary Kay inventory and gradually carrying out the initial steps. I'm beginning to shift my focus away from my Mary Kay business (though not completely closing shop yet!) and am raising money for a specific adventure, which you will hear more about in the near future.

So there you have it, folks! We are still alive and well, enjoying the much-anticipated arrival of another intoxicatingly wonderful spring. Mark is still relishing his permanent job with the Park Service and has successfully completed his first two terms of school with a 4.0 GPA. Hooray, Mark! New adventures are calling to us and a fresh slate on the home-front is making them so much easier to achieve.

A Rainbow Picnic

2010-04-16T14:08:00.000-06:00

Yesterday was the first day the Trail Ridge Road (the U.S.'s highest continuous paved road) was plowed and open as far as Rainbow Curve. I took the girls there for a picnic...a breezy, cold picnic at 10,875 feet above sea level. It was one of our little ways to commemorate the coming of spring, even though where we live, the spring of budding flowers and warm sunshine doesn't come for another month!

Easter 2010 in Photos

2010-04-13T15:56:00.000-06:00

Around Our House

2010-03-24T16:01:00.000-06:00

High Altitude Spring

2010-03-16T17:03:00.000-06:00

I am very much looking forward to wearing shorts and going barefoot. It will still be winter in the mountains for another month, but there is a change in the air. Last week we smelled the aroma of pine trees for the first time since early fall. The birds are returning and there is a vibrant energy which surrounds us. Until spring is really here, we will continue to snowshoe and play outside dressed as eskimoes!

Small Things

2010-03-06T13:59:00.000-07:00

“In this life we cannot do great things. We can only do small things with great love.”

-Mother Teresa

We have been challenged lately (by this book) to open our eyes to the world...to see its suffering and to act. In the sheltered beauty of our home upon the heights, it is easy for us to remain blind to those in the world who suffer daily. What a tragedy that we who are the most blessed in the world are sometimes the most unaware of those who need our help. Even as I become more conscious of those in our country and around the world who hunger and thirst, I feel uncertain how to act. I can only pray that as I become more educated, my intention to bring comfort to the needy will result in little acts of love that really do make a difference.

That Amazing Decade: 2009

2010-02-25T16:32:00.000-07:00

2009 was a year of letting go and a year of becoming. We spent the first half of our year managing at our apartment complex: shoveling snow, unlocking doors, cleaning the laundry facility, fixing plumbing, painting and cleaning up after some disastrous move-outs. I spent a few days in New Mexico for my grandfather's funeral.

The snows fell and buried us in its white silence. Then, in March, Mark was offered the opportunity he'd been preparing and waiting for ten years...a permanent job with the National Park Service. He began his new job while we were still managing the apartments and found himself torn between excelling at his dream job and saving energy for his management duties. He ultimately chose his dream job.

In July, we began living the life of vagabonds while we waited for an NPS housing unit to become available for us. We camped. We stayed in vacant houses. The girls and I spent time with my parents. We became fluid.

In September, Mark and I flew to Sweden to celebrate our 6th anniversary and to visit my sister, brother-in-law, and brand-new baby nephew.

When we returned, it was finally time to put down roots again. We spent the last days of autumn and the beginning of winter making our new government quarters home. What a wonderful way to bring this amazing decade to a close!

That Amazing Decade: 2008

2010-02-21T15:54:00.001-07:00

2008 was the year Ava Rose joined our family. She was born peacefully at home in a pool of warm water one night in April two days before my birthday.

After a winter of working part-time at the local bowling alley, Mark resumed his job in Rocky Mountain National Park in the spring. We spent as much time as we could hiking during the summer.

Mark went on several solo hikes, most notably including his hike to Flattop Mountain and his fall off of Tyndal Glacier. He also summited Long's Peak this year. I was able to take Ava out on lots of hikes on days when Mark could stay home with Grace. Ava was the perfect little companion for my adventures!

Grace turned two in July and we celebrated with our customary family picnic. She also made her first strides in potty training this year. When fall came, our funds were tight as usual, so we were delighted when an acquaintance from church called to offer Mark free rent and a position as on-site maintenance manager at an apartment complex. We moved to our new three-bedroom apartment in October, and Mark began his maintenance duties there, as well as resuming his bowling alley job. When the snows came, Mark would rise before dawn to shovel all the walkways. He had to clean and paint after several move-outs in December and almost missed spending Christmas with his family. We began to realize that while free rent was definitely a blessing, there were many sacrifices to be made in exchange. That dilemma was to be resolved in 2009. Stay tuned!

That Amazing Decade: 2007

2010-02-19T15:25:00.000-07:00

2007 was another year of change. We enjoyed a beautiful, blossom-filled spring in Zion, but Mark was growing more and more discouraged as he tried repeatedly to be hired in a permanent NPS position there. It became apparent that, for whatever reason, the hiring officials were overlooking Mark and hiring less qualified candidates instead. So, in order to advance in his career, he had to look to other parks.

In May we made the move to my home state of Colorado so that Mark could accept another seasonal position at Rocky Mountain National Park with the hopes of eventually being offered a permanent position there. We spent the summer settling into our new rental in Estes Park and exploring new trails.

I started a Mary Kay business, which enabled me to quickly meet a lot of local women. More than any other place we had lived, we began to feel a sense of community here, making friends at our church, involving Grace in the library's amazing storytime for toddlers, and reconnecting with my family.

It was a busy, beautiful summer followed by the autumn scramble for off-season income. Then we experience our first, very windy, cold Estes Park winter. We made a trip to Montana to visit Mark's parents for Christmas and returned to a frozen house, as we had forgotten to leave the heat on. And so began a winter of hibernation and the transition to another new year.

That Amazing Decade: 2006

2010-02-16T16:15:00.001-07:00

2006 is the year our family grew from two members to three!

The year began with a trip to Colorado to witness the marriage of my sister Laura and Mikael, the kind-hearted Swede. Then we headed back to Utah, where Mark and I spent the spring and early summer working again as rangers in Zion National Park. As my belly grew, we made the decision to investigate home birth and eventually hired Liz and Janae in St. George to be our midwifes. I finished working the last week of June and one week later, on July 1, Grace Lavender was born at home.

The rest of the year went by in the hazy state that accompanies sleep-deprived parents of newborns. Mark continued to work and I adjusted to life at home with baby Grace, falling head over heels in love with her! She and I hiked together, went to play group at the library, and visited Mark at work. When fall came and Mark's season in the Park was over, he went to work at the Desert Pearl Inn, across the street from our house. We fell into a new rhythm of play, dinner with Mark at the Pearl, and hiking beneath the red cliffs of Zion.

That Amazing Decade: 2005

2010-02-12T15:47:00.002-07:00

2005 was an expansive, vibrant year. Our experiment with civilian life led us to conclude that we really did want to invest more of our lives with the National Park Service. So, after our second cold, dark Montana winter, we held a massive yard sale, packed our few remaining belongings and headed south to Zion National Park, stopping in Colorado long enough to witness the marriage of my baby sister, Christina.

As a native Coloradoan, I NEVER thought I would live in Utah, much less learn to love it. What a happy surprise to find that I was absolutely wrong. I found abundant healing and beauty in the red sandstone cliffs of Zion and relished the contrast between desert heat and hidden oases of water and maidenhair fern. Mark and I settled into a pleasant routine of work and play, enjoying the renewed comraderie of a shared work experience. At the end of a wonderful work season in Zion came perhaps the most defining moment of the year, when we discovered that we were to become parents for the first time. We spent the winter in Zion resting, preparing for this new phase of our lives, and starting a new blog called "Ranger Family".

That Amazing Decade: 2004

2010-02-08T14:48:00.000-07:00

2004 was our first full year as newleyweds. The year began completely fresh as we threw ourselves into a new environment and found ourselves clawing for survival. We spent the first part of the winter working together for a temp agency, including a few memorable days cleaning for richest of the rich at the Yellowstone Club Resort in Big Sky.

Mark finally got a job working in retail and I was hired by the City of Bozeman as an administrative clerk for their public works department. We each found ourselves struggling to fit in at our jobs and lacking the compatability, recognition and compensation we needed. In an economy fueled mostly by the high tech industry, we found that we were not very well equipped to get the kinds of jobs valued in the area. In fact, the very best jobs we found payed only enough to barely eeek by.

Our Bozeman era was not completely characterized by financial and professional struggles, though. We settled in to a wonderful church that we were able to grow and learn in. We continued developing friendships with people Mark had known in Yellowstone for years. We hiked in the Gallatin, Bridger, and Crazy mountain ranges. We took the faithful van out on camping excursions. And of course, we made many little adjustments in our new relationship as a married couple. I remember feeling unsettled by my new title and my new way of moving through the world and spent lots of time journalling and praying about my new role. Mark proved himself to be the best choice I could have ever made for a husband...ever kind, ever compassionate, ever present with me through it all. So began our married life. What a year 2004 was!

That Amazing Decade: 2003

2010-02-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

2003 was an exciting year, as you might guess. After sharing our engagement with my family in Colorado during a New Years visit, I returned to the Tetons to begin one of the most memorable winters in my life. While Mark was back in Bozeman, I embarked upon four months working in the administrative offices for Grand Teton National Park and living in a mobile home deep in a snow bank in park housing. I spent my time reading Jon Krakauer's Into Thin Air, snowshoeing, and planning a wedding... all amidst the most delicious presence of solitude I have ever experienced. It was remarkable.

When spring arrived, so did Mark. He resumed his job at the Moose Entrance and I made the move to be a ranger at Gros Ventre Campground. We had another summer full of all that makes summer and being in love so special. Every so often, Mark would get to work at the campground with me and we'd go on patrols together, sailing beneath cottonwoods in a golf cart. Late in the summer, the campground caught fire while Mark was on duty and he almost lost his beloved van to the flames. Wow!

Then came September...a flurry of wedding preparations leading to the day itself. Most of that passed in a blur, but I can say that our simple little candlelight ceremony in my church in Paonia, Colorado, was one of the loveliest I have ever experienced. The reception was amazing as well. My parents had spent all summer beautifying their lawns to perfection. We hung twinkle lights and candles in the trees and had a string ensemble play. I've never known a more enchanted night, dancing under the stars with my Mark to this song. We ran from the reception under an arch of sparklers and drove away in the van into the beginning of a new life.

When we returned from our honeymoon in a rustic backwoods cabin in Georgia, we drove back to the Tetons for one last month of glory. Mark worked an extended season at the entrance gate while I hiked my heart out in the most amazing country I, to this day, have ever had the opportunity to live in.

Finally, we had to come down from our crazy beautiful high and figure out what to do with the rest of our lives. We made the decision to dabble with the idea of leaving the Park Service for awhile to see if we liked life in civilized country. Mark knew he'd always loved Montana, so we explored the Missoula area and finally settled back in Bozeman, where we had friends and at least some familiarity with our surroundings. The end of the year was spent scrambling to find a place to live and jobs to sustain us. That was not an easy feat, but that story will have to wait until the next installment.

That Amazing Decade: 2002

2010-02-03T10:34:00.001-07:00

2002: This was the year our paths finally converged. After a heartbreaking season of unemployment in Oregon and a few months licking my wounds at my parents house in western Colorado, I was finally offered a job in Grand Teton National Park. I was extatic to have any job, but the opportunity to return to the Greater Yellowstone Ecosystem, and have my first job working for the National Park Service was a dream come true.

As I drove north through rural Wyoming, I knew that an exciting, new path lay ahead. I was nervous as I pulled up to my new workplace, but the smiling face that greeted me from beneath his ranger hat was none other than a gentle soul named Mark Nydell.

So began one of the most memorable summers in both our lives. We developed a comfortable work relationship and our days off were filled with hikes, photographing the wildflowers, watching sunrises from mountain tops, and swimming in pristine lakes.

In the fall, Mark returned to Bozeman, where he had been spending his off seasons. I stayed in the Tetons, transferring from the Moose Entrance to the Granite entrance for an extended season. Mark says he knew right away that I was the girl for him and he worked hard this year to get me to understand. All I knew is that I felt more at home with this man than with anyone I had ever known. So, one blustery winter's eve, when he asked me to marry him, I said, "Ok!".

That Amazing Decade: 2001

2010-01-31T17:10:00.000-07:00

2001: Mark and I still hadn't met, but this year our paths almost converged. Mark spent the year moving around the country from Florida to Oregon to Indiana, back to Florida, then to Wyoming and Montana. He had always been well liked by girls and his trip to Oregon was for the sake of a girl he liked. She broke his heart, though, and sent him on a year-long period of singlehood and self-searching. This was the year Mark began his career with the National Park Service as an emergency hire at the Moose Entrance Station in Grand Teton National Park. He worked there in the fall before heading to Bozeman, MT for the winter. What would he have thought had he known his future spouse was only a few miles up the road?

Meanwhile, I was busy finishing my college career and graduating from George Fox with a degree in Family and Consumer Sciences. Unsure what I wanted to do next, I signed on with a Christian ministry called A Christian Ministry in the National Parks, not realizing that this was a move which would influence the course of my life in profound ways. ACMNP sent me to Yellowstone for a summer of leading non-denominational worship services for park visitors.

Contrary to Mark, I had never been liked well by the opposite sex. In fact, I didn't have a single date during my years at Fox (unless you count the Spring Formal junior year...and I don't). My time in Yellowstone was a turning point, however, as I found myself the unexpected object of attention for a whole handful of guys. So while Mark was taking vows of celibacy, I was just 67 miles north finding out for the first time what it's like to be pursued. I then spent my winter in Oregon with my dear friend Janelle trying unsuccessfully to find work and getting more and more discouraged with my inability to do so. Dear sweet Janelle put up with a lot from me those few months. I'll always recognize her as a true friend because she showed me what it is to be loved even at my worst. What an important and pivotal year it was for me and Mark both.

Here is the song that always reminds me of my summer in Yellowstone.

That Amazing Decade: 2000

2010-01-29T16:01:00.001-07:00

The 2000's were quite an important decade in my life. I graduated from college, became what is affectionately called a "parkie", met my husband, became a wife, and began my journey as a mother. This was the decade of young adulthood with all its searching and becoming. I thought it might be fun to look back with (you guessed it!) a series of pictures to commemorate the last ten years of the journey.

May, 2000...I had just completed my junior year at George Fox University and was spending the month of May on a study tour of eastern Europe to fulfill my globalization credit. This picture was taken on the steps of Shonbrunn Palace outside of Vienna, Austria.

Meanwhile, Mark spent his summer working for YPSS in Yellowstone National Park, as he had been doing for the previous few years. He would then return home to Florida to spend winter with his parents...and of course fish on the beach with his good buddy, Michael.

Light in Winter: Day Five

2010-01-26T12:46:00.000-07:00

I love being home. I love the smell of fresh laundry and the challenge of trying to teach a three-year-old to sort socks when she'd rather create one of her color collections with them. I love a clean kitchen, and thinking about the man who cooked dinner in it last night. This is what a winter day is all about for me.

Light in Winter: Day Four

2010-01-25T16:24:00.001-07:00

Light in Winter: Day Three

2010-01-24T18:50:00.000-07:00

Our sunshines...

Light in Winter: Day Two

2010-01-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

Hung the wash under a blue sky just as unexpected snow began to swirl around me. Half an hour later, the air had cleared and the sheets were almost dry in the fragrant mountain breeze.

Light in Winter: Day One

2010-01-22T21:17:00.001-07:00

inter is historically not a good time for me. I've been known to fall into depression during it's darkest days. And now that I am the mother of two young children, I have firsthand knowledge of the agonies of persistently recurring wintertime illness. As I told Mark today, as soon as November begins, I am already longing for spring. Thus begins a five-day quest for "Light in Winter". Each day, I will seek to find moments that give me (and maybe you, too?) hope and light. So here goes!...

Montana Odyssey

2010-01-21T16:51:00.008-07:00

Last week, we took a long journey to Montana. Our connection to that state is twofold. First, Mark and I lived in Bozeman during the first two years of our marriage. Of course we had to stop there to reminisce and spend some time with the handful of friends who are still there. All the familiar places beckoned us to stay. We remembered with longing how many great restaurants there are the ruggedly hip culture that's a lot more to our taste than the t-shirt shop tourism of Estes Park. We met with our friends and learned how much we have missed in their lives in the last four years. We rejoiced with those whose marriages we'd missed. We greeted the children whose births we weren't there for. But we also grieved over broken marriages and innocence lost. It was a bittersweet.

Grace and her sweet cousin, Audrey

On the second leg of our trip, we headed to western Montana, where most of Mark's family lives in the shadow of the Bitterroot Mountains. It had been roughly eighteen months since we had visited Mark's family. We introduced Ava to everyone and enjoyed watching Grace and Ava grow fond of their cousins. We walked upon carpets of fall's rotting leaves. We ate. We listened. Most of all, in the company of those who have loved him and cared for him all his life, I remembered again why my husband is so amazing. Thanks for being just you, Love!

2009: Year in Review

2010-01-20T12:10:00.006-07:00

January...two sick girls. Ava spent a night in the hospital with RSV

February...made Valentines

March...Mark began his first Permanent NPS job!

April...Ava turned one and spent the night in the hospital with croup

May...long awaited arrival of spring

June...hiking season. Mark and Tamara climbed Twin Sisters Peak

July...first month without a home. Mark and Tamara hiked to Andrews Glacier

August...Tamara and the girls spent the month in Paonia

September...Sweden trip

October...last month without a home. Last golden days of fall.

November...moved into our beautiful new home

December...enjoyed the warmth of the season at home

A New Name

2009-12-31T15:55:00.003-07:00

Happy New Year everyone and welcome to Songbird's Nest! What better moment than this to unveil the new title! I've been feeling for a long time that Ranger Family just didn't fit anymore. In 2006, when I started the blog, Mark and I were both rangers, and our purpose was primarily to keep in touch with our out-of-state families. Ranger Family worked then. But now my purpose has grown and changed to hopefully include a broader audience and purpose. I still want to write about our family. I still want to invite Mark, the "Papa Bird", to chime in on topics of interest to him. But I also want this to be a place where I talk about projects and healthy living and motherhood and all that sparks my imagination.

Songbird's Nest is a name inspired by my love of music and nature and home. It evokes a sense of beauty and protection and reminds me not only of my daughters, one of whom bears an ornithological name, but of God's care. I don't mean for this to be a "religion blog", but faith is one of my primary inspirations, so please don't be surprised or offended if faith references show up from time to time.

"Look at the birds of the air, for they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" Matthew 6:26

The specific songbird I have in mind and which has inspired me the most is the Canyon Wren. We encountered this bird often when we lived in Zion National Park and its beautiful song never failed to invoke awe in me. Hopefully this little blog will do the same for you.

Welcome to a new era here at this site. Please do fly in as often as you can!

Glimpses of Christmas

2009-12-29T21:24:00.002-07:00

It's Almost Here!

2009-12-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

Who could believe Christmas is two days away? Snow is falling again, the lights are hung, the cranberry wreathe carefully placed on the front door, and two little girls are learning the magic of delayed gratification. What a wonderful time of year. Merry Christmas, everyone!

Blissful Expectations

2009-12-18T22:15:00.001-07:00

I have felt far from my center this Christmas season. Have you ever felt like you had a million ideas jarring together in your head, but not the presence of mind to write them down? Or maybe you made a list, but can't seem to carve out the moments needed to accomplish item number one. That's how I feel...kind of like my heart has lost its way in all the unmeetable expectations of Christmas bliss. That being said, today was by no means awful. I took the time to bake this banana bread with my girls. I noticed their giggles and their attempts at sneaking batter as I mixed. I finally figured out how to get Grace to take good pictures using this technique. I'm rediscovering the thrill of that moment when Mark walks in the door from work. I can't resist the way my little girl wrestles her tiny self from my arms so that she can run squealing to her daddy. I also love the moment when we sit down at the table together at the end of the day. Tonight it was meatloaf accompanied by my new favorite vegetable. Hmmm...I feel better already just remembering my favorite moments of today. What's more, tomorrow is a new day to be free from all those expectations and remain still in the quiet of my heart.

All Is Right

2009-12-14T20:22:00.000-07:00

Mark is home...
Grace is cheerful and whole...
Sun glitter bedazzles the snow...
All is right with the world again.

Winter's Eve

2009-12-09T20:47:00.000-07:00

I thought it would be fun to show our house from the inside and the outside. Not only that, I was having a desparate moment and needed to get outside for just a moment. There's no better time to look at the world through the lense of a camera than a desparate moment. In case you're wondering, my desparation of late stems from my responsibility for one sick and very irritable three year old...all alone and by myself. The wonderfully good part is that Ava has been an angel through it all. And I'm so thankful for my mom, who braved the icy cold weather today and drove across Colorado's snow packed width all the way to our door. Within half an hour of her arrival, Grace broke into her first giggle in the last seven days. Thank God for Grammy!